


Best Laid Plans (of Gods and Men)

by misura



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: M/M, No Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-04
Updated: 2018-06-04
Packaged: 2019-05-17 09:15:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 940
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14829515
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: Loki comes up with a stunningly brilliant plan to break up Thor and Steve.





	Best Laid Plans (of Gods and Men)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [dreamkist](https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamkist/gifts).



The notion of Thor settling for someone whose only good qualities were that he was superficially attractive and in possession of an excellent physique was, Loki decided after much thought and soul-searching, _disappointing_.

In a way, of course, that meant it made perfect sense: had Thor not made it his life's work to disappoint him time and time again? Foiling his plans, crushing his dreams, ever ready with a joke or disparaging comment on his weaknesses - not that Loki had any, but it was the intent that counted.

What word better described putting a dagger in a man's back only to discover you'd played into his expectations perfectly if not 'disappointing'?

Never mind that Loki himself quite fancied the superficially attractive. _He_ had been blessed with great vision, glorious purpose and an excellent, not-at-all receding hairline. In ways of physique, that last might not count for much, yet it was all he had. He had thought it would suffice.

Incredible as that sounded, he had expected Thor to be able to look beyond the physical.

Clearly, he had been ... not right.

Clearly, Thor preferred having someone in his bed with a body nearly as impressive as his own, whose strength nearly matched Thor's. They probably had very athletic sex. Loki could imagine them clearly, all sweaty and grunting with exertion. Truly, the two of them would present a disgusting spectacle - not that anyone in their right mind would want to watch. Or join in.

So that settled it, really.

 

Seducing Rogers was ridiculously simple.

All it took was showing up at his doorstep and smiling at him in a certain way.

It probably counted as a small miracle that they made it as far as the bedroom - not that Loki would have raised any objection to Rogers having gotten down on his knees in the hallway, or bending him over some small table that looked unlikely to have been able to withstand the punishment, or whatever else Rogers might have come up with that Thor would have been able to handle just fine.

(Loki, alas, would not have fared as well. Still, the sweet taste of victory would more than outweigh a bit of soreness and a score of bruises.)

True, Loki'd been wearing Thor's guise throughout, but as excuses went, that one counted for little. Loki's experience with irrate husbands, wives and lovers had taught him as much: nobody ever accepted the object of their affection not knowing the difference between a shape-shifter and the real thing.

Rogers went along beautifully. The sex was of an acceptable quality - about as Loki had expected, though it lasted a good bit longer than he'd accounted for.

At no point did he enjoy himself. He could list ten people whose love-making skills had been superior to Rogers' without even giving the matter much thought.

Thor, for one, would have lasted longer. Not that _Thor_ was in Loki's top ten, but even so.

Even so, he might have miscalculated the wearying effect of three hours of sweaty, grunty sex, albeit of a mere acceptable quality. Keeping his eyes open took an effort, which was bad, because the next part of his plan definitely required -

 

"Brother," Thor said, and Loki thought, _not that_. Disappointed again, it seemed. Truly, it was a curse. If his mother had still been alive, he might have consulted her on the matter.

Or maybe not, given the matter also involved her other son.

"Huh," Rogers said, sounding confused, which was something, at least. Loki was not normally a snuggler, but for the greater good, he was willing to bear the sensation of having a tall, muscled mortal wrap himself all around him a little tighter.

"Brother." Loki worked up a smile. His facial muscles being among the only ones that _hadn't_ just received a strenuous work-out helped. "Surprise?"

He had summoned Thor here himself, of course. Stealing Rogers's communication device had been child's play. Buying enough time to send a message had been more difficult, but then, there were activities one might undertake that left one's hands free for other things.

"A good one!" Thor beamed. Thor was not supposed to be beaming. "Truly, this is a joyous occasion!"

"Er," said Loki. Had Thor actually been about to _dump_ the muscle-bound idiot? Might he be relieved to now find the duty had been lifted from his shoulders?

"Captain, you are well also?"

"Steve," Rogers said. "And sure, I'm fine. Not sure about your brother, though. I mean, I tried to hold back, but things got a little intense there at the end."

Definitely, _crushingly_ disappointed. Also, how dare Rogers suggest Loki had required him holding back in any way, as if the fact that he was an Asgardian did not make him vastly superior to any mere human?

"Ah. He's fine." Thor peered at Loki, then smiled. "In fact, does this not call for a celebration?"

 _A celebration of_ what _?_ Loki managed not to ask. It was clear that this whole thing had been a trap. Only a mind as low as Thor's might have thought of it.

"You're insatiable," Rogers said, but Loki felt his interest rise already, poking him in the back.

"My brother has claimed his rightful place at last." Thor took off his shirt. "I am all joy."

"Right," Loki said. "Well. Clearly, the two of you have much to talk about. Why don't I - "

Thor kissed him. It was a terrible kiss that lasted far too short a time.

"On second thought, I suppose I might stick around for a bit. I mean, if you need me for something."

Thor took off his trousers.


End file.
